Nathan Daniel: 0:02
Welcome back to another chapter of be you and be real in chapter seven, today, we're going to be talking about the Great Awakening. So I hope you're ready. Let's open the next chapter. Alright, so today in today's chapter, we're headed all the way out to California. We're having a conversation with Ashley Harwood. Ashley, welcome to the show.

Ashley Harwood: 0:43
Thank you, everyone.

Nathan Daniel: 0:45
Well, I am excited that you're here today. Before we get into your chapter, I would love if you would just share a little bit about yourself where you're at. And then we'll jump into your chapter.

Ashley Harwood: 0:58
Sure. So I am originally from Michigan outside of Detroit. I grew up there and then moved to Massachusetts, and was there for nine years before coming out here to LA. So I'm pretty new to LA. We'll see I might be moving back. I don't know.

Nathan Daniel: 1:17
It's a different world out there.

Ashley Harwood: 1:18
It's a different world. And none of my people are here. So it's like, I might go home.

Nathan Daniel: 1:23
Yeah, well, hey, it happens. My brother is one of my brothers is all over the place. He's lived in New York, LA Italy, all over the place, and he keeps going back to LA. So there's something about sunny days out there, though. The sunny days are nice. Yeah, well, alright, so so Ashley, again, thank you for being on the show. I know, in our chapter in the chapter today, it's called the Great Awakening. And so if you can I'm this The stage is yours. Now, I would love for you to tell your story. And why the Great Awakening?

Ashley Harwood: 1:53
Sure. So my, my background is as a real estate agent. And part of that is running a business and having all the responsibilities and stresses and pressures of that, right. I didn't even know where to begin. So

Nathan Daniel: 2:16
well, let's let's go back to being like as a as a real estate agent, right? Like, I know, inside that space, like you've identified a very specific topic, a very specific topic that that you had to go through yourself. And you kind of struggled with in the beginning. Right?

Ashley Harwood: 2:31
Right, right. So I, my first couple years in the business, it was very difficult and stressful for me, and I found myself feeling very anxious for almost no reason.

Nathan Daniel: 2:46
Okay, so Well, alright, so tell us about that. Like what was causing the anxiety after you probably had some self reflection, what was causing the anxiety?

Ashley Harwood: 2:55
I did after a while I finally realized what was happening. And it was caused by me doing too much and burning myself out without realizing it. So I think that's why I chose the title, the Great Awakening, because I finally, you know, took some time it took my ex husband telling me I needed to go see a therapist. And I did that. And then she recommended this book. And then I finally realized that that was the kicker, right? That was the the awakening moment I read this book called quiet by Susan Cain. That was the moment that I realized. I'm actually an introvert and what does that mean? And how does that manifest itself in the choices I make about my time and my energy?

Nathan Daniel: 3:43
Okay, so I heard a couple things there. And I want to go back a little bit. So first thing I heard was that now you were in real estate. And you said you were going all the time. And you were in burnout mode. Right? So during that time, why were you pushing yourself so hard? Like what was leading to pushing yourself that hard?

Ashley Harwood: 4:06
I had quit my job to be in the business full time. And I did have, you know, the additional income coming in apply, you know, my ex's income, so we weren't relying on my income. And yeah, I still put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to be successful. You know, I would go to trainings and conferences and see the rookies of the year who are selling 40, 50, 60 homes in their first year. And I wanted to do that too. You know, I saw no reason why I couldn't do the same thing. And my results were just not the same. It wasn't hitting the same way for me. My first year I sold one, one house, very different than 40. So then I felt like a failure. And then I was like, Well, what is going on? What is wrong with me? And, you know, eventually I finally realized there was nothing thing wrong, it was just, I had to shift my activities and do different things and do less.

Nathan Daniel: 5:05
Better. Yeah. Okay, so So you were you were you were in real estate for a year, you sold one house, and you're seeing what everybody else around you is doing and being successful. And I don't want to put words in your mouth, but it sounds like comparing yourself to others and saying, Oh, I got this. If they can do it, I can do it. Yeah. Which I love the confidence there. And along the way, though, there was something that wasn't clicking right. And now, how are you feeling with that, like that failure that you were talking about? Like, what did that failure feel like?

Ashley Harwood: 5:39
It felt awful. It did a number on my confidence. And thankfully, I was part of a very supportive office and company where I could go to them, you know, sometimes a weekly I was going to them and saying, I don't know if I can do this. Something's off. And they were like, No, no, you got this keep going. So I did have that support. And yet, I was feeling just this tremendous pressure and anxiety around, not hitting these crazy numbers that I had set for myself. So I had set my expectations way too high. They weren't realistic for where I was at and what I was doing. Okay, so I said at the time,

Nathan Daniel: 6:24
yeah, yeah. I mean, we often like, especially in real estate, like we see lofty goals often, right? I mean, I know people want to get involved in real estate for really three reasons finances, freedom and flexibility. So along the way, you know, you're putting that self pressure on yourself. You feel the failure, you start experiencing some of the failure, which is affecting your confidence. And then you said something like you said, your ex husband said, hey, go see somebody. Right. And then you went and started seeing somebody and I and I, you know, I actually threw this up. So if you're not watching right now, if you're listening, the book recommendation, Susan Kane's quiet. Can you tell us a little bit about that book, like if you could give us like, the cliff notes version of it?

Ashley Harwood: 7:07
Yeah. So that is the Bible for introverts. Essentially, it is the most well researched, comprehensive book on this topic. And the reason I recommend it to everyone, because number one, you might realize that you're more of an introvert, which I know that might not seem like a big deal. However, it can be potentially life changing, and how you approach your life and your energy. So you avoid burning out and you're in your life, whatever business you're in. It's not about business, it's about your life. And then if you're not an introvert at all, you probably level love someone or live with someone who is. So it can help you understand that person. And there's just this wiring, that's different. And that's okay. And I remember, listen to the audio book in the car. And I'm like, bawling because I finally felt heard and not heard. But just like, this is a thing, how I'm feeling is a thing. And it's normal. And here's how I can make it work for me.

Nathan Daniel: 8:17
Okay, so you, you're really diving into this book, and it was really hitting in sparking sparking a flame inside of you. And as you were going through that, like, what was the what was the next thing? Like, where did you go once you started going? Okay, I am okay, I am fine being who I am.

Ashley Harwood: 8:36
Right. So the next step to that was, okay, now I need to look at all the activities I'm doing both in business and in my personal life and make some changes, get rid of some things that weren't working or that weren't worth the effort.

Nathan Daniel: 8:55
Okay, so did you struggle with that at all? Did you struggle with that, like, you know, going back to those rookies of the year you were talking about in your business? Did you struggle with all of a sudden this realization that hey, I am a little bit different?

Ashley Harwood: 9:09
I did. Yeah. Because there there weren't tools out there. For that no one was talking about this. It's gotten a little bit better over the past couple of years. But in general, this is not a conversation that people are having. So to be different, used to mean or at least I took it to mean maybe I'm not cut out for this at all. And again, thankfully, I was able to go to my my team leader my support system in the office and say, here's what's going on helped me and they were supportive and encouraging. Had I been somewhere else was around other people. It could have been a very different outcome. Yeah.

Nathan Daniel: 9:49
So if if you're out there right now. I want to talk about relationships. And you just mentioned that a second ago about if I'm staying like I could be an extrovert right now. And I could be living with an introvert. Which is, is real shout out Mal. Right? But at the end of the day, it's okay like there's there's nothing wrong, introvert extrovert, whatever the combination is, it's okay. But did it affect your relationships? And did you start recognizing what that was doing for your relationships?

Ashley Harwood: 10:25
It gave me the tools to talk about them a different way, it gave me the tools to say, I need to have this boundary, I need to go take a trip by myself. No offense, okay, just this is what I need for my own energy because I need to recharge by myself.

Nathan Daniel: 10:46
Got it. So. So understanding your own needs is really what it boils down to.

Ashley Harwood: 10:51
Yes, 100%, and then being able to talk about them in a way that was, you know, didn't hurt anybody's feelings because that can be that can be a significant problem for for people. I see this with my clients, sometimes they struggle with how do I have this conversation with my spouse or my family, about needing alone time and having them not be offended?

Nathan Daniel: 11:15
Oh, that's good. That's good. I was watching something the other day where somebody needed a long time, and they just snapped. Like, they just snapped on the other person. And they were like, Whoa, like what happened? And I mean, it was it was a Drama Series. But at the end day, I was like, that's so real. Right? Like that does happen. So okay, if you're out there, and you're wondering, am I an introvert? Am I an extrovert? So obviously, pick up the book by Susan Cain called quiet, you'd recommend that one? I'm sure it's on Amazon, all those other places. So if you're going to give advice to somebody out there right now like that, that may be exploring this maybe wants to dive a little bit deeper into it, or just your general thoughts on this topic that you would leave everybody with today? What would those thoughts be?

Ashley Harwood: 12:02
It would be to just take some time and get to know yourself really well. Because I mean, something that you said in a previous conversation that we had was living someone else's life. I feel like a lot of people might be struggling with that maybe, are you living your own life? Are you doing what you want and taking care of your own needs? Or are you just doing what other people expect? And that's not sustainable or joyful?

Nathan Daniel: 12:32
I agree with that. 100%. Right. Our world tells us a lot, especially online and the media and everything else who we need to be as society, right? Like the world does a very good job of screaming at us like, Hey, here's your, the pedestal person, let the perfect twin that you need to be. But we're human beings, right. And, yeah, I think that is so true. And it's okay to be different in today's world.

Ashley Harwood: 12:59
I would argue that it's good to be different. Yeah.

Nathan Daniel: 13:03
Embrace the different embrace the difference? Yeah. Yeah. Well, well, very good. Well, Ashley, thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Talk to us about your chapter, which is titled The Great Awakening. I really appreciate it because you helped us understand a little bit about your story, obviously, and, and hopefully, if you're listening to this, right now, you can maybe see where you're at today. And maybe you need to stop. Maybe you're in burnout mode, maybe you need to stop and start journaling and writing down and seeing what gives you energy or what does that. And maybe you just need to simply go pick up the book or audio book of the quiet book. Right? Right, pick that up. And one of the thing that you actually said, and I'll wrap up today's is this and it's, you know, it's it's great setting my ego and my own expectations aside and giving myself permission to be different. I love that. That's, that's awesome. So, Ashley, thank you again for coming on the show, sharing the chapter with us. How can somebody get in touch with you if they have more questions? Or if they want to follow you on social media? How can they get in touch with you?

Ashley Harwood: 14:12
Sure my company is called move over extroverts. I'm on all the platforms, except the tick tock. I haven't gotten that one yet. And my website is here moveoverextroverts.com so if you have any thoughts or questions, I would certainly love to hear from you. email, Facebook Messenger evelo form through I was like, whatever, I'm easy to find.

Nathan Daniel: 14:35
Awesome. Well, again, Ashley, thank you for being on the show today. And if you're if you're tuning in right now, thank you, thank you for supporting, be you and be real. Thank you for listening to the chapter. I hope you're taking great things away from it. And at the end of the day, if you know somebody or you yourself want to become a guest on the show, go to beyouandbereal.com and simply apply because I want to help you tell your story. If you don't tell your story no one else will. We'll see in the next chapter.